I think maybe the reason I don’t like Gisele is because she has small breasts. Those cry baby liberals in DC may try to tell you that a woman's worth can’t be measured by the size of her chest, but Bernoulli's Law proves otherwise. I think. To be honest I'm not sure what it does. It might though. I suppose it's possible.
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I think we're close enough by now that I can admit I don’t find Gisele Bundchen all that attractive. She's all sharp angles and bones. It would be like humping a chain link fence.
who: Gisele Bundchen. when: 10/21/08. where: Santa Monica, CA.
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Nuts magazine in the UK somehow finds a way to rewrite the exact same "naked girl" cover story every week. It's nothing short of remarkable.
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Paris Hilton is in London this week for the filming of her TV show for ITV2, and much to my amazement, she actually looks kind of hot. I'd be lying if I didn’t say that this is the most surprising moment of my life.
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You would make this face too if you looked like Tara Reid does in a bikini.
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Remember when Amanda Bynes was a really big deal and starring in TV shows and singing and headlining moves? Yeah me neither, but I'm pretty sure that happened. Seems kind of silly in hindsight that everyone went so crazy over her. Tattooing "Amanda" down my penis is starting to seem like less and less of a good idea too.
who: Amanda Bynes. when: 10/18/08. where: Zac Efrons 21st birthday, Los Angeles
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It would be easy to call Tara Reid disgusting and point out she has no right to make us look at her in a bikini. And fun too. So here I go. Tara Reid is disgusting and has no right to make us look at her in a bikini. I can’t even begin to guess how she could look so bad, so young. She has the cellulite of a 90-year-old woman. You normally only see this sort of thing in fairy tales with talking mice and witches who trick young girls into eating cursed apples.
(like, a hundred more pictures after the cut)
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I don’t remember what character Lizzy Caplan played in "Cloverfield", but I definitely know her now as the girl with the awesome rack on the HBO show "True Blood". No matter what she did before, that’s what she’s known as now. Just like I’m known as, The Boy Whose Smile Will Brighten Your Day.
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Jessica Simpson promoted her new perfume at Dillard’s over the weekend. And, of course, she brought her dog. What a cliché. Perfume promotion is all the same. It’s all girls in frumpy dresses and little weezing dogs, but I guess you go with what works. I bet this was a big success.
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Italian fashion legend Roberto Cavali spent the weekend on the beach with his girlfriend. I don’t know her name, but she seems like a great gal. Very open-minded. Having tons of money is apparently a good way to get hot young girls to sleep with you. Just between you and me, pointing a gun at them works pretty well too.
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